Spring into summer

(Lizzie McAlpine on repeat)

I leave his place around 7:30 in the morning. It’s much earlier than I’m usually awake, and even through the slight chill of the morning air I smell a sickly sweet burst of spring. I try not to get my hopes up. It feels like spring has been edging New York for weeks now. A perfect 70 degree day, with last-minute wine and cheese on the roof, followed by 40 degrees on my friend’s 25th birthday, us as a huddled mass in tiny dresses click-click-clicking as fast as we can to the club. Then there’s the rain, seemingly endless days of wet bangs and soaked through socks. That’s why people live on the east coast though, isn’t it? The punishment of late January through early April for the warmth of spring.

I’d hate to live in California. An endless barrage of “nice” sounds torturously bland. I love to hate getting caught in a storm, love to watch the flowers bloom, love to peek my head out of my apartment-hutch on the first nice day of the year and throw on a skirt that I’ll regret once the sun sets.

I try not to think about how miserable I’ll be in August, stuck underground on a subway with broken AC, sweating through the smallest cotton t-shirt I own.

When I was younger, life felt cyclical. Fall meant school and winter meant Christmas and Spring meant the musical and summer meant theatre camp. Now, it feels more like decoration. Christmas still comes every year, but I’m never sure who or where I’ll be when it does.

I think about the person I was last year and I wish I could pick her up and shake her. The recent breakup of a non-relationship left her aimless and flailing, floating through New York with no plan, no fire under her ass, just a haze of self-pity and resentment.

Now, I’ve built a life and a career that I’m proud of. Sure, it’s small, but those tiny victories sprung from seeds I planted when I decided to give a shit. I write as much as I can. I make the embarrassing attempts to network. I moisturize. Sometimes, when I’m feeling overwhelmingly ambitious, I exercise.

I try to work as hard as I can for a life that I want, so the next time I find myself at the bottom of a hole, I can start to dig my way out.

---

SPRING THINGS:

(What I’m looking forward to)

• Boat rides in Central Park¹

• Smorgasburg returning for the season²

• The Frick reopening on April 17th³

• The Backyard at Golden Years⁴

• A trip to see the seals at the Prospect Park Zoo⁵

• The rooftop at Vacations⁶

• Dinner at Wild⁷

1. https://www.centralpark.com/things-to-do/sports/boating/

2. https://www.smorgasburg.com/locations

3. https://www.frick.org/

4. https://goldenyearsbk.com/

5. https://prospectparkzoo.com/

6. https://www.vacationsbk.com/

7. https://eatdrinkwildbk.com/